To be honest it took me longer than expected to get to this point. But at least I made it this far, and that in itself is something to be proud of.
I remember it as if it were yesterday.. well because it was. Like any 20th of the month I routinely do my second half of my bills. As I lay my bills across my Restoration Hardware dinning set ( of course not polished or Dark Natural wood.. that’d be like my mom’s style) balling, not balling like Harden, but balling as in UNCONTROLLABLY crying.
Looking around as If I were watching a movie, tears falling down my face but resistant to any emotional concern or distraught. I felt as if this scene of my life was being watched from afar but it was NOT me. It wasn’t reeeal life, it was staged. Staged for me to feel the pain of one of my biggest fears that had come to pass but it couldn’t be true. I was successful..Right?
I don’t come from a family of good health, emotional stability, financially “well-off”, or have the relational support. I grew into this young woman who learned through hardship that anything in this world that I wanted.. absolutely anything I wanted I could have. But you must first identify what that is, work smarter, harder, and don’t give up until you get it..why stop when your 3 feet from Gold… Right? Thanks Greg Reid for that one. So I’ve always done just that. I worked endless hours, I networked, I happy hour-ed with all the whose whose. But for the first time..I realized that the last two years of my life was spent building exactly what I thought I wanted..but what did it lead me to a life of Health? Emotionally? Thriving Relationships? Physically? No… A life of Financial freedom? Hard NO, I had to pay for the bills spread across my table. A life of success? Ah… Yes success.. Don’t you just love that word, success. If you would have asked me what success looked like two years ago I would have declared myself as successful.
But today, well actually as of yesterday my answer is absolutely not. I looked around at an empty three story loft in the middle of downtown San Diego, completely EMPTY but filled of “stuff”. A house..definitely not a home..filled of Restoration Hardware, modern sheik decor, all white duvet and bedding priced well above my monthly expenses, and a closet filled of Versace, Valentino, and Red Bottoms. I know what one might be thinking, THAT is not an EMPTY house but I beg to differ. Its emptiness lies within the idea that these materialistic belongings would lead me to Love, happiness, or define success. As I share this with you today, this staged scene of my life of being Lost in the World. Lost in the City of San Diego where my dreams were once made of. Leads me to my declaration to myself. My declaration to fulfill my life’s purpose.
To Find inner peace; that each day I am being the best version of myself, with kindness and patience.
Self acceptance where I SMILE at the image I see in the mirror dissociated with the one others see.
Here at The Daily BS you will find #anythingbutBS.
You can be apart of this interactive blog to be challenged to grow in all areas of personal Health. Physically, Emotionally, and Financially.
Ladies and Gents, as we prepare to travel, eat exceptional food, interview some of San Diego’s GREATEST achievers, in ALL areas of Health. We should expect to obtain enough faith in ourselves to reach our FULL potential.
The two most important days in one’s life is the day you were born and the day you realize why. Today..I share my why. July 22nd ( HBD sis!) 2017..as I PUBLISH my first blog with the intent of helping one, Lost in the World and When The BS DAILY adds value to one other than myself..that is where I will find success.
If not, “Who Will Survive America?” KW